Where to begin...

I'll just start with the phone call that I got from mom's neighbor Kris at 3:15. She said that mom had just been over there for the second time today and Kris was very worried. Mom seemed very upset that she had this doctor's appt tomorrow, but she couldn't figure out the information. (please note that Megan was there for lunch today and tried to settle the issue of the Dr. appt with her along with the door lock issue) Kris said that mom was very confused and that she couldn't explain it to her so that she could understand. Kris was on her way out of town, so she gave my information to another neighbor and told her to keep a watch out for mom.

When I arrived, mom was on the phone with Emily. She got off and was glad that I was there. She had this dilemma that she had a doctor's appt tomorrow and she wasn't sure when Uncle Jim was coming to pick her up for mass and breakfast. She didn't want to miss the appt. Since she wouldn't believe me that he was coming on Sunday, I suggested that she call him. She did and Uncle Jim confirmed the time for Sunday and then asked to talk to me. He reiterated that he had talked to mom already about this and told her that he would be there Sunday morning to pick her up and take her to the Motherhouse for breakfast and mass. I told him that I knew and would make sure that mom knew it was on the calendar. I think we're settled on that subject, but you never know!

Next topic...the Dr. appt...I tried to tell her that it was August 5th. She said, "no I called there twice today to make sure that is was tomorrow. The lady did not sound too happy to be talking to me." (Gee I wonder why - called twice!?!?) I told mom that if this was the case then we should just go over there tomorrow for the appt. I would pick her up at 7:45. She told me that she didn't need me, either she would walk or Paul could drop her off after mass. I said that she should come home after mass and est breakfast. 7:45 would be plenty of time to get to Osler Dr. She seemed to be okay with that. We'll see if she's still there when I arrive!

Okay, the third problem weighing on her mind tonight was that she wanted me to go upstairs with her, she needed to find Dad's Columbaria. I asked her if she meant the box that he made for the Columbaria because that is what he was buried in. She looked confused. I explained that the box he made for the Columbaria is what he is buried in now and we will move him to the Columbaria when it is ready. Still confused. I said that when he died, the Columbaria wasn't ready, so we put his ashes in their plot and when the Columbaria is ready, we will move them. Her response..."He was in the box!!!???" She was stunned! Who/what do you think she thought was in the box? I would absolutely love to know.

Tying this whole day together was a phone call from Emily later tonight. She called me because she was very concerned about mom. Mom had called her (she was on the phone with her when I arrived) and started the conversation by saying that she couldn't make the dedication for the Columbaria tomorrow because she had a dentist appt and Jim was taking her to mass and brunch. Emily told her that the dedication was in August, not tomorrow. Mom would not agree. Oh well, the more concerning part for Emily was that mom asked her if she thought that she(mom) should just put Dad's ashes in a baggie because she couldn't find his box! She didn't know what to do, but she knew that she wanted Dad's ashes in the Columbaria. Emily told me of several other instances where mom was completely off base on a topic or just not with it. These dated back several years and she knew how much Dad was covering for her.

I told Emily that we are very concerned about Mom's health and well-being. She doesn't just have good days and bad days. She has times when she seems very frail, weak and sickly (diarrhea, dizzy spells, shaking) and other times where she seems very out of it (not being able to figure out which key opens the door, putting laundry detergent in her cookies, cups/dishes in the freezer instead of the dishwasher, dead sons) These times can fall on the same day and it's up to the family member experiencing whether it seems bad or good. Leaving her on a good note one evening does not guarantee a good morning the next day nor does a bad physical day seem to bring on a slew of bad physical days. She is not sleeping well and we are worried about something happening to her at night when no one is around.

BTW Quinn had a very good/open conversation with Paul yesterday when he called about Mom's diarrhea and was very worried about her. Quinn told him that these (listed above) are all of the reasons why she needs to be in and Assisted Living Facility where she can maximize her independence yet have the safety and security of someone being available 24/7 should she need them. We are doing the best that we can and her health is still failing and her mind is not getting better. (BTW Stuart, I hear that your company is moving you to Nebraska for two years!) None of us leads a life where we can offer her support every hour of every day. We just never know when she will need us. (her idea that since she was supposedly locked out of the house, she would just sleep in the car in the garage if she needed to is a prime example of an unexpected crisis) Now her neighbors are getting concerned for well-being also and aren't available 24/7 either. It's time to really weigh our guilt of pushing mom towards something that she says she doesn't want (yet may like if she gives it a chance) versus our responsibility to keep her safe and healthy. Let's face it, she is NEVER going to just say, "Okay, I'm ready to move now." We CAN'T not move her either. She may forgive and she may forget or she may just forget, but we can't wait too long and then have something terrible happen just because we didn't want to hurt her pride. (I am not even mentioning the fact that she is a prime target for crime. Okay, maybe I mentioned it, but that is a worry too.)

So this is my long winded entry stating that I am ready to help give mom the nudge towards and ALF. We can't wait any longer.

Love always - Levelle