Conversation with the attorney

I spoke to Gina Shafer, the attorney recommended by Chris Sparks (see Megan’s entry). She specializes in Elder Law, so she has seen our situation countless times. She was very helpful and spoke for close to an hour – let me try to summarize:

There are three basic ways that this could play out. The most problematic could be the Adult Protective Services route. If APS is called in and determines that Mom is in imminent danger to herself or others, they might have to take her away against her will, possibly in restraints to Shepherd Pratt. Gina said that APS and the Department of Aging can be helpful in terms of talking to Mom about her condition and options, and in giving us advice, but it could get out of our control if they think that the situation warrants it.

The next option is the petition-for-guardianship whereby Mom would be declared a guardian of the state with an agent appointed to act in her behalf. Based on language inserted in the power-of-attorney forms, and assuming an absence of dissent from anyone close to Mom, the agent appointed would likely be Danny with Leland as back-up. Periodic financial and medical reporting would be required to satisfy the state that the agency was effective. Per Gina, the state does not want to take guardianship if any less-restrictive avenue is available to see that Mom is taken care of. So they would likely look at the PoA clause as sufficient documentation that we can control Mom. Gina says that we could continue pushing for guardianship to be assumed, but it really doesn’t get us much more than we have now and would likely cost us a more than it is worth.

She encouraged us to continue with the third way, which is more or less what we are doing but with more intensity. We are at a point where we can insist that Mom either have someone with her (or nearby) at all times or go to BGT. She suggested that we work with the folks at BGT to coax/coerce. She offered to talk to Mom herself if we thought it would be helpful. She had plenty of examples where care-givers had to use a bit of trickery to get their patient in appropriate living arrangements. (In one successful case the family took the mom to a party while others brought her home furniture and furnishings to the ALF to decorate her room, bed, dresser and all.)

The bottom line, I think, is that she says we have to work more with available resources (including ourselves, priests, family, friends, strangers, etc.) to ensure that she gets a clear message to take care of herself and accept our help, which right now is our presenting her with an option. She will either need to move to ALF, at least for respite care for now, or accept full-time care, part of which will necessarily be with paid strangers. We can help guide her to the choice that we think she might like (ALF), or we can continue to contribute as much of ourselves as we have been. But we need her to realize that we can’t risk her health and safety on her promise that she will get better.

Good luck tomorrow Leland. Let us know how to help.