Support Groups

This evening I went to an AD support group. Overall it was a really good experience, I highly recommend you join me at the next meeting (if you're local) or find one in your own neighborhood. The group I met with were all children/caregivers of alzheimer patients (as opposed to spouse/caregivers). It was run by a woman who was an LCSW (licensed clinical social worker), and who had personal experience with caring for her mother, who just died in January.

I described mom's situation to the best of my ability. The group leader, Chris Sparks, had a couple of things to stress:

1. No matter what stage of deteriorating capacity we think mom is currently living, Chris could almost guarantee me that mom was worse off than we thought. I think that had to do with being too close and too personally connected to really judge accurately.

2. Mom should definitely be seen by a neurologist, even if it means demanding a referral from Lavin.

3. She also thinks, based on my description, that mom is definitely unsafe living on her own.

4. It is time for one of us to be made guardian. This involves a) a doctor's evaluation, b) meeting with an elder lawyer, and c) going through court proceeding. As part of the court proceeding, each of us would be contacted by the state's lawyer to make sure we agree with the guardianship. I was given the name and number of a highly recommended elder lawyer who practices in Towson. Chris warned me that whoever is named guardian needs to complete an annual report, including providing receipts and bank statements, etc.

I brought home lots of brochures that I will go to bed reading. I also have some good library books on the subject. There are plenty of them out there. If only I had time to read them...

If you want more info on this group, it meets the third Thursday of each month, in the Coldwell Banker building in Cockeysville. Try the website http://www.alz.org/ to find a group closer to you if Cockeysville is too far.

Some other tidbits discussed (that we're already learning through experience):

• Use calming phrases.
• Focus on feelings, not facts.
• Focus on the emotions, not the behavior.
• Limit distractions/modify the environment.
• Shift the focus to another activity.
• Find outlets for the person's energy.
• Change the subject when necessary (How about those hydrangeas?)

On another (similar) note, I ran into a friend of my boss's this morning. This woman, Amy, works for us when we're desperate, but in her real life, she's also a LCSW who dealt with her mother's AD, and who lead support groups for years. I asked her how she approached getting her mother into the appropriate facilities. Her response, "I lied. You might have to. Your mother will never think she needs to move. You have to weigh your potential guilt with your fear for her safety."

Granted, Amy was an only child, but like I said, she speaks from the experiences with AD that she's dealt with professionally.

I thank God (and M&D) we have each other sprinkles (most of the time :)