Circle the wagons...

When I called Mom yesterday to ask if I could stop by and have dinner with her, she didn't sound too thrilled. She told me that I was welcome to come by and fix whatever I wanted but she wasn't going to eat. Well, I fixed dinner and she ate... and enjoyed it. That was the easy part of the evening. We sat and chatted on the front porch before and after dinner. Being an 'even' day I guess, her confusion was only spotty and I've learned better how to negotiate around that obstacle. Over the past week though, Mom has begun in earnest to 'circle the wagons' in defense of any kind of change in her present lifestyle. Her resoluteness to maintain the status quo is apparent to me because each of my past three visits, she is the one bringing up the following subjects, not me.


Primary in her mind is the notion that she is NOT in any need of moving from Yarmouth Rd. Without naming (or remembering) names, she says that she is being pushed from many quarters to consider AL care and she hopes that at least I am "on her side" on this subject. With a reassuring smile, I tell her that not all AL care places are the same and that many are more pleasant than she has heard or imagines. To the suggestion that we should at least be prepared and go see what is out there, Mom replied: "God may call me from this earth at any time. So, why waste time and money researching my options before they are necessary". Ladies and gents, she is steadfast on this subject! Gird yourself if you think she can be coaxed from this stance with reasoning. But changes WILL have to come to 627 if she remains here long. She may view changes such as house 'elder-proofing' with the same distain as if moving, but those types of changes are necessary and should be non-negotiable.


As for her physical and mental health, Mom also wishes to stand pat... i.e. do nothing. She says she is not interested in learning the cause of her memory declination. Interestingly, she herself will often refer to or fret about its loss. When I tell her of my concern that it could be Alzheimer's, she says that she would rather not investigate the possibility or know anything about it. Mom does not wish to see a doctor any more than her previous intervals of twice a year. Even when I try to explain that knowledge could have positive impacts, I am rebuffed in my attempts to have her take any diagnostic steps such as checking out JHH's Memory Center.

Love, Danny