Saturday Post

Sorry I didn't post last night!

Danny and I had a 4 hour visit with Mom. The entire conversation was calm and relaxed. I started with asking about the doctor visit and steered it towards the issues we wanted to discuss, mainly assisted living. As Paul McCartney would say, it was a long and winding road. We just didn't let it get side tracked. Hopefully, much of what we discussed will be remembered and embraced. Can I give you the highlights in bullet points? Here goes:

• she would move in with one of her daughters if that ever became necessary, but not impose on her daughters-in-law.
• she would let Paul move in (bad idea, I think, for both Paul and Mom. Paul needs his sleep!)
• her main objection to AL seems to be the money. Even though Stuart and Danny have convinced her that she has enough, she reiterated several times that she couldn't stand to spend that much. Even referred to it as a mortal sin. (can we say there is Long Term Care Insurance? Can we get the facilities to lie about the cost? I told her there might be some sort of work-study scholarships!)
• I asked her to go look at a few places which she agreed to. We have a list of 4 which we will drive by this afternoon and make appointments for this week
• The one she came up with is Oak Crest, because that's where Margaret Buettner (405 Rosebank) now lives. Mom thinks that might be more affordable.
• BGT is on the list, although she was concerned about the proximity to Aunt Melmarie. I can't remember the other 2 - not because I am crazy, because Danny and she were excitedly reading the yellow pages to make the list.
• She agreed to talk to Uncle Jim
• Best idea of the afternoon was from Mom: she wants to asks the priests in the rectory at Stella Maris if she can clean for them in exchange for room and board! She said they have some beautiful old mansion that they live in for the rectory, and she wouldn't mind living there.
• I told her we would all back-off the 24/7 hovering. Danny and I had dinner with her and left by 5pm. It's time for some tough love - shorter visits and forcing her to ask for help rather than volunteering it. We'll make sure she is eating, and of course, do anything she asks for. As it stands now, someone will be eating with her every dinner and most lunches, and checking on her in the morning. I'm not sure what will happen with daily Mass.
• She agreed to call for help if she needs it, or rides. She's planning on doing a lot of walking. She said she's not at a stage where she will wander off. I thought this was significant, because she's the one who mentioned it.
• I told her if the doctor's next report came back as bad as this one: weight loss, dehydration, UTI, etc, that I would be back with all my brothers and sister and we would be making her make a move. Bad thing is that she thinks if she gets a good report from the doctor, she'll get her license back. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it :)
• She's conviced that with a little help, she can maintain the house that she and Dad thought was manageable.

She agreed to look at AL so she is prepared in case she ever needs one. I think the seed is planted and sprouting already. If we can engage some help from outside the siblings: Uncle Bob, Mrs. Spurrier, priests, etc., we may be successful soon. We don't want to beat the topic with a hammer, but please jump on every opportunity to discuss it. Talk about the benefits: independence, privacy, control, no cooking or yard work, chance to volunteer, socialize.

Up til yesterday, this was not even a remote possibility in her mind. Big progress, I think, just getting her to consider, especially since she never got upset about it while we were talking.

Sorry I wasn't able to get her to sign on the dotted line! (starting and ending the blog with an apology - that's so Catholic!)