First, an overdue special thank you... Lisa, thanks from the bottom of my heart for your continued love and support as I travel down these new and bumpy roads. It has been a great comfort for me to know that you're by my side through these times.
Next, tonight's visit with Mom... It was heart rendering with lots of hand holding and tears. Mom was grasping the realities of Dr. Lavin's talk with her today and was shaken to be facing her illness and mortality. I reassured her that we will love her dearly no matter what the future holds. She said she regrets "being a burden" and sometimes feels that our support is given out of a sense of obligation. Again, I reassured her that this was not the case and that we will be there to support her until God calls her home. Mom expressed a longing for how she mentally was 10 years ago and doesn't want to remembered for how she is now or will be down the road. Once again, I let her know that we will always remember her as a selfless, caring wife and mother and that we'll stick by her side throughout her journey. I had planned on leaving before dinner but just couldn't. When I walked her down to the dining room, either tables were full or completely empty. So...we had a nice table for two by the window ;-}. BTW, dinner is free and they have wine or beer available! Though I abstained, we both parted with higher spirits just after dinner.
While there, I plugged in the phone (which was "lost" but now is found...Amazing grace!) and Mom is now reconnected to the outside world. I meant to ask her to refrain from using it after Jeopardy but forgot... Sorry Quinn!
I stopped by to see Paul on the way home. He has a new cell phone (same #) with texting service now and possibly e-mail service shortly. He'll move his old car into Yarmouth Rd driveway tomorrow morning. He'll get his insurance transferred to his new wheels as we get the vehicle titled to him. I'll get that done a.s.a.p. this week or early the next. I gave him a 'heads up' about the current status of lock changes at Yarmouth Rd. I also invited him to the next Board Meeting if he can work it into his schedule. He asked if 6:00 a.m. would be convenient for us ;-)
Speaking of that, are we gathering for a meeting this weekend? My schedule currently looks pretty flexible and I'm open to time & place suggestions. Stuart, as a minimum, I'd like to meet you at Yarmouth Rd sometime when you're up to go over a few things.
Lastly... We have passed from the role of being familial care givers to that of being guardian angels. Let's continue to work closely with BGT as they have a whole lot more experience in this area than we do.
Love, Danny
Mom's P.S.: "Grandchildren are welcome to visit if they WANT to come but please don't FORCE them to do so."
Outsprinkles
These are the people whose love and support get us through each day and who we owe so much. They also helped a little producing......
Almost all of the Offsprinkles
9 comments:
Sniffle :-( . Poor Mom! I am sure that we are all doing our best to let her know that we are doing everything out of love. It's her sense of pride that makes her feel that she is a burden but if she can be reminded at every turn that she would do the same for anyone - not just us - maybe it will settle in and bring her peace. This is a hard stage for her where she can remember enough of where she's been and knows what the future holds. It must be scary. I hate to wish for progression of her disease, but eventually she will not remember that she fogets things and be at peace. Such a sad, bumpy road we are all on.
I am going to call BGT tomorrow about an orientation for Mom. As far as we know, she has not been shown the ropes. (maybe she has and forgot them and forgot to tell us about the training) I hope that they have some type of buddy system. It would be really nice if someone would drop by her room to remind her to go to meals and maybe even eat with her. There should also be activities people (Anne etc.) who should try to get her involved in things too. So we'll see what BGT is going to do to make this transition better.
On another note, Quinn was under the impression that Mom was enjoying her visit with Mrs. Vokel today. ( I misunderstood and thought Mom was aggitated) When I returned Mrs. Leonard's call tonight, I just let her know where Mom was and let her know that her phone number was the same. I said that she would enjoy visitors. Hopefully she won't try to get one of them to help her escape ;-).
'til tomorrow - Love, Levelle
PS I think ALL of our spouses and children deserve a big round of applause and a big hug for all of their support through this. They have really been put to the test these past few months. WE LOVE YOU ALL!!!
Oldest and youngest sprinkles have said it all well. And if Mom doesn't reverse her current rate of weight loss, she'll progress faster than we can imagine. But hopefully, she'll adjust and stabilize quickly and join new friends for meals and activities.
BTW, Danny, before you stop by for meals on a regular basis, you should know that your meal is not free. Beyond move-in day, meals for a residents' guests will show up on the monthly statement. When you get the contract you'll see, but I think it's something like $5/breakfast, $8/lunch, and $12/dinner.
Okay, now that the group hug is out of the way, could I ask Stuart to bill Danny $12 for the dinner and $43 for the two bottles of wine he drank?
I'll try to call Mom in the morning. As far as she knows, I'll be surprised by the news that she has moved. Let's see what she has to say on the subject.
One final note - $5 for breakfast??? Why not save money and have the board meeting at BGT? They even have a private room to eat tucked away on the second floor for y'all.
Did somebody say "wine"?
Ha - beat you to it, Stuart :)
I meant to say 'heart rending', not 'rendering'. Mea maxima culpa Sr. Annina.
Huh? I was unaware of separate meal costs. I had the fruit cup, (1) bread stick and the glass of water that were all already on the table. Mom had the fruit cup, all of her grilled cheese sandwich and a glass of milk. Mom will never consume $750/month worth of food. Can we start brown bagging meals? ;-)
Yea, I think Mom could use a buddy or advocate there to introduce her to the community. She wouldn't have gone down to dinner without my insistence because "My hair is in curlers and it looks a mess". She seemed to be socially timid when we hit the dining room.
My guess is the resident mealsare included, but the guests pay extra. So the next time, bring a doggie bag and an empty beer case to get your money's worth.
For my weekend planning, does that $12 cover all the beer and wine I can drink? It wouldn't be as good as the deal I get at the Village Inn, but the crowd is probably livelier.
Shoot! I forgot 2 comments...
Mom said that she feels others now look at her differently and shy away from her "because of her disease". Is this something a psych doctor might help her address... or would their helpful suggestions only get lost in her memory bank? Just something to think about.
Also, during my brief visit, Mom exhibited many instances of her core habits that lead to confusion. I already mentioned the phone which had been pulled out in readiness for connection, but was found wrapped up and hidden in her dresser. There was also her worrying about some cash that "Quinn" had just given her, which she 'knew' she had seen in her apartment today but which could not now be found. Again, "it was 4 - $20 bills"... but Quinn did no such thing and we keep reminding her that she needs no cash. Then I witnessed an example of Mom's primary tendency to protect belongings by hiding them. After fixing her hair in the bathroom before dinner, she came out with her comb in hand and surreptitiously hid it in the cover folds at the foot of her bed. How long will that go 'missing'? :-}
Now THAT was funny 'bout the Village Inn. ;-)
Dinner at the Village Inn is very cheap! But it makes me pee a lot.
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