bummer of a call....

I just spoke to Mom for about an hour. She tried to rush me off but I wasn't having any of that and I think she needed to talk. She was quite lucid for most of the conversation but pissed off throughout. I even got to hear her say "pissed" and "damn" so it was worth the call if for no other reason. She cried a lot too which wasn't near as much fun.

She is definitively unhappy and pissed that y'all moved her in there without so much as consulting her or telling her she was getting moved. I reminded her that she might have that story wrong. I'm still trying to get the hang of not trying to reason with her but she was pissed before she said hello so don't blame everything on me. She is definitely lonely but I am not sure pushing BGT to get a buddy system going is the right way to deal with that anymore. I don't want people avoiding her because she is the "needs hand holding" lady. She thinks people are already avoiding her but I tried to point out that old people like those other people get into fixed patterns that are hard to break. I suggested she make it a point to be the one to step up when the next new person arrives and she should be the person who says "please sit here" or "let me show you around". She will eventually and slowly fit in there, I think, but every few days I think someone should take her out to lunch or dinner or for a drive or to walk around a mall, etc.

Don't always do the cemetery though. That got her worked up and confused. She was back having trouble distinguishing Dad from Granddad. She did let slip that she was a spoiled brat when she was young and needed to apologize for that.

I tried to ask what would make living at BGT more palatable and she said the phone helped but she had no one to call. The only person she could think of to speak with was Mr. Green as she could only "unburden herself" to me and him. I hope he is still alive because I don't think Verizon covers heaven. She was pretty sure the rest of her children (who are now out of the will) are conspiring to keep her in the ..... she could not think of the word and she would not call it an apartment so we settled on "the prison". She actually laughed. That brought up the next problem though as she just found out that someone had re-named BGT. They did it sneakily after she was moved in although it was not clear to if it used to be or is now called an "assisted living facility". If she had known that before she moved in, she never would have chosen it.

Back to the “what would help her settle in” question and she thought a TV that she could operate would help. She doesn’t know where her old TV went to or who bought this new one but she could not operate either one. I suggested asking an attendant but she was not keen to do that. She had enough trouble getting help to unlock her door. She has decided not to lock it any more as it can’t be opened with a key. Maaaaaatt!

We talked about how I had lived in some pretty difficult situations / places in my life and I had two choices, be miserable or make the best of it. I always chose the later as I had her determination. She assured me that she had no idea how I could ever live overseas (which isn’t what I was really talking about) and that she could not do that. She doubted she could live the rest of her life in BGT no matter what she tried. That reminds me, she is conviced that only the first floor houses the "normal people". She knows everyone on the 2nd and 3rd floor have dementia and she doesn't like getting lumped with them. I hope the one-bedroom is on the first floor but it will be fun moving her for sure anyway.

We talked some more about Aunt Melmarie, her friends that she could call, walking around the grounds, Notch Cliff, how sneaky the Gentry family is (????), Uncle Alfred’s Alzheimer’s, eating well and some other stuff that I can’t remember. I did put in a good word for y’all even though I was in the dark about your plans myself. :D Because I love you all, I’ll try to get you back in the will too.

Go gentle and wisely (even if that’s not enough), Michael MCF