Hi all,
It was a calm, uneventful morning/breakfast. The usual confusion, but Mom was pleasant and cooperative with eating, some encouragement was needed for drinking, She remembered to take her antibiotic on her own.
Leland, I will go along with the united front or with you and Danny presenting it to Mom, whatever makes you guys more comfortable or whatever you think has the greatest chance of success.
I am putting together a mini case history of what has been going on with Mom before and since Dad died. I will fax it to her doctor by weds. so he will have it prior to her Friday appt. Hopefully, it will give him a pretty good idea of what we are dealing with and what we believe is the best option for Mom. Say your prayers that he will at least plant a pretty good seed in her mind that she needs assistance/assisted living.
Anyone else out there finding this more painful than dealing with Dad's peaceful death? I guess I really haven't had time to grieve yet.
Love you all,
Quinn RN,DF

continued...I know this is soon after a devastating loss. I know Mom says that she can drive and take care of herself. The truth is that she can't! and she hasn't for over a year. I can't imagine Dad would want her not eating, not drinking and wasting away in a sweltering house (even with all of our attention and encouragement. It is not that she doesn't want to eat or drink, it's that she forgets to. She is not using appropriate judgement. These are signs of dementia/ Alzheimers, not just grief or forgetfulness. So even though it is soon after losing Dad, the problem has been escalating for a while. I truely believe she needs more care than we can possibly or reasonably handle.
From the research I have done, it is better to move a person while they still have their faculties so they can adjust to the new environment more easily. It is also easier to find a place where she can still have her independence. If you wait too late, she may have to go directly into a memory loss specialty facility. This will be very painful for all of us, but I believe with the support of her children and good friends we can make it a successful transition. That's it for now.
Go gently my dears, Quinn RN,DF,MLF

Hi all,
I'm sure you have all been waiting on pins and needles waiting for my opinion, so here it is....
First, let me just back track a little. I was visiting Mom and Dad on a frequent and regular basis. We had many conversations - some very emotional- about Mom's memory loss. Sometimes Mom would acknowlege it was a problem, other times she would blame some current stress. Dad knew what was going on and promised to atleast keep her from driving. He often said "I can handle her, but I promise I will let you know when I need help. For easily over a year, Dad was doing all the driving, cooking and maintaining the finances and appointments ( a reoccurring problem!). He was able to smoothly take these things over without ever letting her know that she wasn't capable. We all know how deeply he loved her and that he would have continued on "taking care of everything" as long as he was physically able. It would have been devatating for him to have to move her to an assisted living facility. All that being said...
to be coninued